Why You Should Be Masturbating Right Now

Our provocative title only applies if you’re not in the middle of brain surgery or driving down the M1 heading for Sydney.

But masturbation, beating the meat, polishing the pearl, buffing the muff, bashing the bishop - whatever you want to call playing with yourself - gets a bad rap too often, and we’re here to defend it.

Masturbation myths

You’ll go blind, get hairy palms, turn gay, only lonely losers wank…

The myths around choking the trouser snake and spending a night in with the girls are too many to count. They are all rubbish. Chuck them out with the other garbage.

Masturbation truths

The truth is far brighter.

Dabbling in a little ménage à moi brings a ton of benefits.

Cranking the shank has positive impacts on your health, mood, sex life and more - in fact, we’d venture that masturbation has been proven time and again to be one of our healthier habits as a species. Go figure.

To find out why a wank a day can keep Medibank away, keep reading.

Check out masturbation toys below and our other masturbation ideas in:

Everything You Need to Know about Daily Masturbation

This Week on YouTube: What is Anal Masturbation?

Ep.3: Play At Home: Solo Sexual Happiness

Masturbation feels great, relieves sexual frustration, and some of us even do it just to kill time. Why not? No one blinks an eye if you want to flop in front of MasterChef or The Bachelor for hours at a time, and is that doing anything healthy for you?

It might sound far-fetched, but you’d be surprised how much good some quality solo time can do for you. Studies have found that men who wank and ejaculate more than four times a week are a third less likely to contract prostate cancer. How good is that, blokes?

And for women? Regular orgasms can help prevent cervical infections and UTIs. So start buffing that muff, ladies, and stay healthy.

So you can fap yourself happy by exploring the Mappa Tassie. That rhymes.

For penis holders, regularly shaking hands with the wife’s best friend can be used to train you for longer-lasting sex. For guys and gals alike, wanking can lead to a better understanding of the unique nature of your body, desires and interests.

That means that when you're with a partner you'll be better equipped to let them know what works and doesn't work for you. That’s a win for wanking.

But why reach for pills when the answer to your sleeping problems lie in the palms of your hands? Or at least your fingers. Because the endorphins released during orgasm have wonderful relaxing effects, and with the added bonus of lowering blood pressure, masturbation might be just the ticket to sleep like a baby.

Stress is another mental health problem for many of us. Treating yourself to a bit of self-loving is a quick way to release those feel-good love hormones. When the weight of the world is on your shoulders, try taking matters into your own hands, so to speak.

Not only is masturbation safer than sex (and you don't have to worry about STIs), it can be just as satisfying as sex. In fact, because you’re in the driver’s seat, and you know exactly how to please yourself, wanking for many people is a more reliable route to the Big O than dancing the mattress mambo with either your beloved or a random.

So, whatever your reason for wanting a wank, your body is yours to enjoy and you've no reason not to do so. In fact, you’ve got a handful of great reasons why it’s good for you.

So, next time you're basking in the glow of your own Hans Solo job, remember this message and glow that little bit brighter.